Gartan’s Book – 4/24/11

Been a crazy few days.  Went to a couple of parties the past few days for my wife’s birthday and didn’t get as much writing done as I would have liked.  But I did finish out fleshing out the back half of my book and incorporating some of the foreshadowing ideas that I’d gotten from the Story Engineering approach.  

Today I went back to the beginning of the story and restarted revising.  I netted an additional 193 words.  The scene has more tension, it introduces the protag AND her husband and a woman who could be a rival for the protag’s husband’s love.  It also has some foreshadowing added into it.

I think the opening sentence is about a zillion times improved.  From

Tuleh Inare, once a priestess of the Nayengim, stood with arms crossed shivering ankle deep in snow before Prince Kemist’s mansion that had been her home for the past eight years.

to

Tuleh Inare stood in ankle deep snow watching blond laborers laugh as they tore down the platform where a treasonous lord had met the headsman’s axe a few days before.

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One Response to “Gartan’s Book – 4/24/11”

  1. A strong beginning! Something I just might have to pick up and read to find out what happens next. 🙂

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