Gartan’s Book – 9/29/10

1215 words.  Finished the end of 1 scene and completed another.

The protag douses the flame of a torch as a man tries to light her on fire, but the strain of using magic is too much.  She’s out of gas.  Her brain is addled and she can’t do any more.  She looks at the angry crowd surrounding her and sees the Thief that she thought was dead.  She feels really guilty about leaving him for dead.  She whispers, “Forgive me.”

The thief is watching them as they try to burn the protag and he thinks it’s funny.  But then she catches his eye and asks for forgiveness.  And the thief doesn’t know what to do.  He wants to be angry at her but on the other hand, his life as a vampire is great.  So he owes her.  He turns and walks away.  He can smell the flames catching as they start to light her up.  And he hears her whisper, “Help me.”  So… he snarls and leaps over the crowd, knocking the guy with the torch down and then leaping over the stake in the ground.  The thief tries to untie her but gives up and just rips the rope apart and pulls her out of the flames.  The crowd is freaking out and scattering in terror.  The guy with the torch attacks them (with the “doused” torch).  The thief knocks him down and grabs the protag and leaps to the top of a building and begins to run away.  And then in the distance, he hears the torch guy saying, “Hey.  I know that guy!”

I’ve got a question.  The thief is the protagonist of the second scene and is the owner of the viewpoint.  Throughout the rest of the story, I refer to the protag of the story as Tuleh but since I’m more or less in the Thief’s head, I refer to her only as Lady Inare.  It felt weird to do that because I don’t think of her that way but that’s the way the Thief would think of her.  That’s right… right?

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3 Responses to “Gartan’s Book – 9/29/10”

  1. What is to stop her insisting the thief calls her Tuleh? She could repeat it a few times, and finally he starts calling her Tuleh. Just a suggestion. 🙂

  2. thepencilneck Says:

    Well… that’s an idea.

    But at this point, their only real interaction was when she hired him to steal something for her and then when he gave her the stolen goods. During that interaction, I didn’t have her really introduce herself to him, he just tracked her back to her home and figured out who she was.

    I could change it up. But it’s not too confusing for him to think of her as Lady Inare, is it?

  3. No, it is not confusing. The reader already knows her title from earlier. Besides, (I don’t know what happens in future scenes) later they could call a truce, and then she could ask him to call her Tuleh, and he could say no and continue to use her title. Only a suggestion to reinforce the title and name for the reader, not the characters, if you are worried they might forget.

    I have a character called Rochanna Casimara, but throughout 5 novels she is known as Casi. The readers know her full title from reading the first, fourth and fifth books.

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